I’m not sure why, but I’ve been going through another round of people asking me to suggest names for things. This is a bad idea. If it were up to me, all streets would be called “The Street” (with a few suitable variations, such as, “The Street Pete Lives On”). Likewise, every mountain would be either “The Mountain,” “The Mountain to the Left,” “The Mountain to the Right,” or else “No, That Mountain Over There.” This might cause some small amount of confusion.
Nonetheless, I’ve recently been asked to suggest names for Relay for Life Teams (I’m torn between “Fluffnutters” – because it’s fun to say – and “Flatfooters – because it’s descriptive) and just today, names for boats (“Hull in the Water” has a certain ring to it, though “S.S. Minnow” might work too.)
Just in case anyone is planning to ask, here’s a few naming ideas for your pets.
Dogs: Bob. (Short for “Bob Barker”)
Cats: Five (This joke was borrowed from elsewhere.)
Fish: Gil
It would be perhaps be best to avoid asking me to suggest names for children. (In the interest of full disclosure, I should point out though that none of the names on that list came from me. Therefore, if it’s a girl, I suggest naming her “Deniece” and if it’s a boy, I suggest “Denephew.”)
Category Archives: Silliness
The Psychic Website
I think Dictionary.com may be psychic. Not fake-psychic as in those web sites that pretend to figure out which card you were looking at on an earlier page (If you pay close attention, you’ll discover that they’ve substituted all the cards for others with the same colors). In the case of Dictionary.com, I mean genuine clairvoyance.
Just a few minutes ago I finished writing a short story for my creative writing class. The story was difficult to write because it’s supposed to be character-driven and when I found out what “character driven” means, I realized that most of my non-technical writing tends to be more plot-driven. (If you were wondering, my technical writing tends to be more paycheck-driven.) Wanting to do a good job on this one, I went back to do another round of proofreading.
Wanting to make sure I was using the word reverie correctly, I skipped over to Dictionary.com to look it up. At the top of the results page, right before the first definition, there was a pair of sponsored links. One of them said, in large bold letters:
Don’t Blow it Now
Well, I’ll certainly try not to.
Random Associations
I got to thinking this afternoon – and we all know how dangerous that is – when The Raven was rapping at Edgar Allan Poe’s chamber door, do you suppose the bird was wearing gold chains?
Warning Labels
You have to love the warnings they put on bottles of prescription medicines.
This drug may impair your ability to drive or operate machinery. Use care until you become familiar with its effects.
So once you’re familiar with the medicine’s effects, I guess it’s OK to go back to being careless when operating machinery or driving.
On the Water
Laying on a lounge chair, Helen was enjoying the warm afternoon sun on her face. The chair transmitted vibrations from the deck as the boat raced across the lake. As the engine lulled her to sleep, Helen smiled to herself, “I’m glad we bought this boat. Wayne definitely likes his toy.”
Twenty minutes earlier, Wayne had looked toward the back of the boat and, seeing Helen napping, decided she’d had a good idea. Shutting down the engine, he’d stretched out on the other lounger. Now, feeling the deck’s vibrations through his own chair, Wayne smiled, pleased that his wife was enjoying herself and drowsily decided not to interrupt.
Standing on his hind legs, with one forepaw resting on the steering wheel and the other on the throttle, the family dog was enjoying the feeling of his ears flapping in the wind. Reflecting that this was much more fun than curling up on the deck, he resolved that next week he would teach himself how to drive the truck.
HOWTO: Get Out of Debt
Unlike a lot of the other schemes out there, I’m pretty sure this particular debt reduction method will work. My only concern is that it might be a little too complicated for some folks to understand.
Thanks to Dave for passing it along. 🙂
Half a thought
Have you ever
HOWTO: Survive in a Haunted Forest
Since it’s October and we’re now officially into “Haunted House Season,” this seems like a good time to present
Three Rules for Surviving in a Haunted Forest
Rule 1: If you’re alone when a monster attacks, you need to run faster than the monster.
Rule 2: If you’re with someone else when a monster attacks, you only need to run faster than the other person.
Rule 3: If you are not able to run faster than the other person, then you need to run faster than the monster.
By following these three simple rules, you can survive being in any haunted woods or forest.
Have a happy October.
Tags
Head holds the abstract data,
Body contains the guts.
Applet talks to Java code,
Paragraph speaks the text.
Insert highlights a thing brand new,
Delete reveals things gone.
Break terminates a line of text,
Span marks within the flow.
Preformatted keeps exact layout,
Select drops down a list.
Superscript floats above the line,
Subscript sinks beneath.
Blockquote tells what others said,
Horizontal rule draws a line.
Table unfurls a grid of data,
List-item makes a point.
Style cares about appearances,
Meta is more abstract.
HTML, the outer tag,
Goes around them all.
Selling Coal to Me
If someone had read my original email, I’ll bet they wouldn’t have bothered sending out this follow-up. This is what happens when you let a computer do your customer satisfaction surveys.
Dear Apple Customer:
Recently, you contacted Apple support using Apple’s online web support form. We’re very interested in getting your feedback regarding your support experience.
If you have a moment, we hope that you’ll take our support survey. The survey should take less than 5 minutes to complete. To get started, simply click on this web address or copy and paste the entire URL into the address field of your web browser.
[[link]]
The information you provide will be used to improve our product support and future offerings. We will not use information collected via this survey to sell you products or services. If you have additional questions about how Apple will use this data, please consult Apple’s privacy policy at http://www.apple.com/legal/privacy/.
We know you’re very busy and we appreciate the time you take to give us your thoughts and suggestions.
Sincerely,
The Apple Online Support Team
Note: We are unable to respond to messages sent to this survey e-mail account. Please call AppleCare, visit Apple’s support website, or visit an Apple Retail Store if you require further assistance.