Not merely ramblings, these are flat-out rants.
You have to love the warnings they put on bottles of prescription medicines.
This drug may impair your ability to drive or operate machinery. Use care until you become familiar with its effects.
So once you’re familiar with the medicine’s effects, I guess it’s OK to go back to being careless when operating machinery or driving.
For a while now, I’ve been wondering about the origins of the phrase, “coal to Newcastle.” I know it means you’re taking something to a place where they already have an excess supply, but I’ve always wondered whether it originated with the idea of taking coal to a coal mining community, or taking burning embers (coals) to a place that had just burned down.
This came up while I was on the phone with Steve tonight and he happened to be near his computer so he looked it up on Wikipedia. It turns out the original version of the phrase was “Selling coal to Newcastle” and it’s the version with selling coal to a coal mining community. There’s also mention of an eighteenth American businessman, Timothy Dexter, who actually managed to do it.
As reference material, the Wikipedia article cites an article on another site called “The Free Dictionary.” The dictionary site has an article which says the same thing. The article on the dictionary also has a footnote saying that it’s a copy of the Wikipedia article. In short, the Wikipedia article cites an article which cites the Wikipedia article.
Good Grief! It turns out that Larry Page, Sergey Brin and Eric Schmidt are in cahoots with Steve Jobs in the plot to destroy the Earth!
After reading today’s UF, I did some quick searching and soon found out about the Flight Simulator embedded in Google Earth. That sounded like a pretty cool little easter egg, so I decided to check it out. It turns out that this particular egg requires you to have the most recent version of Google Earth. No worries, I’ve used Google Earth before and think it’s kind of cool.
At the start of the installation process the first thing you have to do (of course) is agree to a software license. Most of it’s the usual stuff about there being no warranty, respecting intellectual property rights, and so on. And then about three-quarters of the way through, right after the bit about the program being export-controlled, I ran across some rather chillingly familiar (and unnecessarily capitalized) text…
NONE OF THE SOFTWARE IS INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS, EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, OR ANY OTHER SUCH ACTIVITIES IN WHICH CASE THE FAILURE OF THE SOFTWARE COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE.
OK, I sort of understand why they don’t want you using it in emergency communications (picture an ambulance crew trying to find their way to a heart attack victim using this stuff and not being able to get the imagery fast enough). I haven’t figured out yet how someone’s going to use a map to control a nuclear reactor, but it can’t be much harder than controlling a reactor via the iTunes software.
Much like the iTunes license, this one is also made hard to read. The bit where you agree not to use Google Earth to control a nuclear reactor is on the 20th screen out of 29. By hiding it this way, Google is assuring that you won’t read that bit and therefore won’t know that you’re not supposed to use the software in that manner. They’re awfully clever like that.
There is one ray of hope though. Google may have outsmarted themselves. In the same paragraph where you agree that you won’t use Google Earth to control a nuclear reactor, you also agree that you won’t use it for “Aircraft Navigation or Communications systems.” And like I said at the beginning, Google Earth includes a flight simulator.
Congratulations!
You’ve just done the karmic equivalent of winning the lottery! Because you’ve found this page, you are now free from forwarding chain emails ever again! Want to rekindle a lost love? Just contact your old flame and if it was meant to be, it will be! Fame and fortune? If it was meant to be yours, it will be!
And all of this good fortune will occur without you ever again suffering the humiliation of friends or family members asking you to “Please stop forwarding me this crap!”
How does it work? It’s simple, any time you get an email urging you to “Forward this to everyone you know!” instead of sending it along, just click the “delete” button instead. You’ll instantly receive all the good luck you would have received anyhow! It’s that simple!
Of course, there’s a catch to this. Now that you’ve read this page, you must never, ever forward another chain letter. If you forward a chain letter after reading this page, you may very well find that your friends and family members think you foolish. And all the bad luck threatened by every chain letter you’ve ever forwarded may come back to you tenfold!
Sure, it’s quite possible that this is complete hogwash. But do you really want to risk it?
(Permission is hereby granted for you to copy this post to any blog you maintain. Please consider including a link to this page at: http://dactylmanor.org/blair/zero/2007/09/04/the-curse-stops-here/.)
When it comes to the end of the world, some folks assume it’s going to be brought about by a group of mad scientists. Another theory is that lawyers will destroy it. The lawyers will almost certainly be involved, but it wouldn’t be fair to put the full blame on them either. No, the end of the world will be the responsibility of Apple Computers CEO Steve Jobs.
A few days ago I decided to make one of my rare online music purchases. Most of the music I acquire online is made available for free by independent artists such as Tom Smith or the various members of the Funny Music Project. Other music purchases tend to be actual CDs so I can play them wherever I want to. But sometimes I only want one or two songs, and that’s when I use iTunes.
It’s not that I’m particularly fond of iTunes, quite the opposite really. I don’t own an iPod and getting the songs to play in the car or on anything other than my PC involves jumping through a number of hoops. (So far, Apple hasn’t taken me up on my quite generous offer to evaluate an iPhone.) But all the other online music stores also seem to be tied to a particular device and early on at least, Apple seemed to have the largest selection of songs. (Though they still don’t have The Beatles.)
It’s been a while since the last time I bought anything through iTunes and the version of the software on my computer is kind of dated. It plays the music just fine which is what I’m most concerned with, but to actually go and buy a song, Apple requires you to have the most recent version of the software.
So I downloaded the latest version of the iTunes software and set out to install it. Unsurprisingly, when you install the new version, you have to agree to the latest version of Apple’s software license agreement. This is a key element in Steve Jobs’ plans for destroying the world.
Apple makes it very easy for you to agree to their license terms. Or at least, they make it a heck of a lot easier to just click the “I accept the terms in the license agreement” than it is to actually read it. To keep you from being overwhelmed by its length, the license is “conveniently” displayed in a little window that’s less than two inches high and less than five inches wide. Only 12 lines of text are visible at a time and reading the license in its entirety requires you to hit the “Page Down” key a total of 35 times. They also don’t point out that when you accept the license, you agree to everything in there. Every last bit of it.
You really should read the iTunes license agreement. About four pages down, under the “Permitted License Uses and Restrictions” heading, you acknowledge that “THE APPLE SOFTWARE IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES OR OTHER EQUIPMENT IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF THE APPLE SOFTWARE COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE.” (The capitalization is Apple’s, not mine.)
With a little effort I can imagine the sort of Rube Goldberg contraption that would allow iTunes to be used in controlling a nuclear reactor. Something where a rise in the reactor’s core temperature trips a heat sensor which activates the speaker attached to a PC running iTunes. The iTunes computer is playing Barry Manilow’s Mandy at top volume. This wakes the baby who starts crying and startles the squirrel which pulls the string attached to the switch that turns the reactor’s cooling system back on.
So that’s how you can use iTunes to control a nuclear reactor. Using iTunes in air traffic control, etc. is left as an exercise for the student. But here’s the thing, because you agreed to the iTunes license agreement, you’re not allowed to use it that way.
Hit the “Page Down” key another 15 times and under the “Export Control” heading, you’ll find another forbidden use for the iTunes software. Now you’re agreeing (this time without unneeded capitalization) that you won’t use iTunes for “…the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.” It seems to me that if you use the iTunes software to control a nuclear reactor, then whether you know it or not, you’ve already used iTunes to develop a nuclear weapon. (Suppose for example the squirrel chews through the string and isn’t around when baby starts crying? Or what if the baby’s taking a lunch break?)
By making the license agreement so lengthy and giving you such a small display to read it on, Apple pretty much assures that most people won’t read it. And if they don’t read the license, they won’t know that they’ve agreed to not use iTunes to control their nuclear reactors.
And that’s how Steve Jobs is going to destroy the world.
Someone I thought was a friend sent me another of those stupid chain letters with the supposedly inspirational poems. Those things are annoying enough, but this was one of the threatening ones. Along with the inspirational stuff, the chain letter promises good fortune if you forward it to your friends. But if you don’t forward it, the letter goes on to say something bad will happen to you.
It’s not the first time someone’s sent me one of these, and it probably won’t be the last, but it does raises a question: If I’m a friend, why would you send me a threatening email? And if I’m not a friend, why are you sending me email in the first place?
What really bothers me though is the note he added at the beginning of the email. It says that he hates getting these emails too. Apparently he discarded it, but a few minutes later he nearly wrecked his car. Rather than take any chances, he decided to forward it to a group of friends.
So the outcome is that in his mind, he’s no longer in danger. I guess that means the rest of us are all in danger instead.
What a pal.
I don’t generally follow (or even care about) what’s going on with the celebrity crowd. People I actually know, such as AJ, Squish, John or even Z, are far more important to me. (That being said, would someone please give Jennifer Aniston my phone number?) Despite this lack of interest on my part, sometimes the celebrity news is hard to avoid.
Take for instance the recent case of Lindsay Lohan. She was arrested for DUI over Memorial Day weekend and checked into rehab. Two weeks after getting out of rehab, she was pulled over again. This time along with DUI, she was also charged with driving on a suspended license and possession of cocaine.
In California, a second offense so close to the first means automatic jail time, so despite a police video tape showing her jumping out of the driver’s door and attempting to flee the scene, her lawyers have taken the tack of claiming that it wasn’t her driving.
Silly policeman. It must have been Paris Hilton.
Last weekend, during Shore Leave, I had my first-ever “in the wild” (i.e. not an ad or a store) sighting of an iDontCare iPhone. The guy it belonged to (a friend’s husband) somewhat ruefully admitted to waiting in line for seven hours for it.
I do have to admit, the user interface is pretty slick. If you were using it on a PDA. And then, mainly for viewing photos. The device’s owner agreed though, aside from the Apple cachet, the phone had no significant functionality that mine didn’t.
Note to Apple execs: I still stand by my offer, to let you persuade me of the phone’s merits.
I freely acknowledge that my reputation for not sleeping is more than a little deserved. Some of it’s choice. Some of it’s insomnia. But I really am trying to do better.
Contacting me at 1:00am to let me know there are changes that must be on the website the following morning before people go to work is not a good way to make me happy. Adding that the updates aren’t quite ready yet does nothing to improve the situation.
It all comes about because of the ages old problem of “stuff happens.”
But I’m getting tired of everything being an emergency.
One of the favorite tactics of spammers lately has been to take phrases from books, movies, or legitimate web sites and use them to disguise their messages. Part of the idea behind this is that if the phrasing is sensible (as opposed to random text) people will at least open the email. A second reason for using sensible phrases is that if the SPAM filters learn to recognize sensible phrases as SPAM, they’ll start to misdiagnose legitimate mail as SPAM with the result that people will stop using them, thus making it easier for the spammers to run their various scams.
One of today’s SPAM messages had this for the subject line:
And some said that even the trees had been a bad move, and that no one should ever have left the oceans.
It’s been nearly 25 years since I first ran across The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It’s a wholly remarkable book, from MegaDodo publications, one of the great publishing houses of Ursa Minor. That particular entry talks about why so many humans (even the ones with digital watches) are unhappy and explains how nearly 2,000 years after one man had been nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be if everyone just started being nice to one another, a girl sitting on her own in a small café in Rickmansworth finally figured out a way to make it work. And then the Earth was destroyed to make way for a new hyperspace bypass.
That’s one of my favorite books and I’m appalled at this abuse of the text. The spammers have now officially gone too far. OK, they went too far a long time ago, but books like The Guide don’t come along very often.
I have a solution. It’s drastic, but it’ll definitely work and I don’t see any good alternatives.
From now on, anyone caught sending SPAM gets forced to listen to some old fashioned Vogon Poetry.