I did a definite doubletake when I spotted this headline on the CNN web site a little while ago:
Porn industry seeks federal bailout
So then, the idea is that the government would be paying people to keep their clothes on? (I thought the National Endowment for the Arts was responsible for that sort of thing.) It can’t be any less effective than some of the other programs that have been tried lately.
OK, all kidding aside, I can’t help thinking the “request” for a bailout is meant more as a statement about the way bailouts are suddenly being thrown all wily-nilly. But I definitely got a laugh out of it.
Category Archives: Silliness
Christmas Lights
The first batch of Christmas lights went up on December 7. In keeping with an old family tradition, it was bitter cold when I put them up. I could have waited until the following Wednesday to put them up when the weather forecast was calling for temperatures in the mid-50s, but that would have involved following another family tradition and putting up Christmas lights in the rain.
The streetlight in front of the house gives the scene a kind of orangeish glow. It’s not intentional, but I’ve come to think of it as Christmas meets Halloween. One person I showed the photo to said the lighting combined with the candles in the windows gives the impression that the house has eyes.
The remaining lights went up the following weekend. That was followed by a week of rain and then a cold with the result that I didn’t manage to take any more photos until this past Monday. The details in the large version are a lot sharper because I learned from my previous mistake and used the tripod this time. (That made a huge difference.)
The additional light makes the “eyes” a bit less pronounced, but I’m not sure the multi-color lights are a good combination when paired with the blue icicles. Throw in the orange highlights from that street light and the Halloween effect is even more pronounced. So…
Happy Hallowmas!!!!!
(Or should that be Merry Chrisween?)
Going Downhill Fast
This completely redefines the idea of a dog sled….
JavaScript required.
I’d love to try this with Wylie, the only thing missing is a bit of snow.
Oops.
The cupboards (and also the freezer and fridge) were quite bare – lacking anything more substantial, dinner on Tuesday was a peanut butter sandwich and a bunch of veggies. (There was plenty of dogfood however, so Wylie and Riley can’t use this as an excuse for why they ate the wall.) So on my way home from work, I stopped off at the supermarket.
Since I was there anyhow, I decided to restock the caffeine supply as well.
I didn’t realize the mistake until I got home. I bought the caffeine-free version instead.
Crap. So much for my super-powers.
But Do You Have the T-Shirt?
Been there, done that, and I blame Dave K. for this. (He in turn apparently stole it from Dave B.)
The usual style — make a copy and mark the ones you’ve done in bold and the ones you’d like to do in italics (or at least do something to make them noticeable).
1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland (Disneyworld anyhow — whichever is the one in Florida)
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch (Note: I’m not claiming to be good at it….)
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables — Yearly
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (Uh… Depends on who’s asking.)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset (Sometimes two of each without sleep in between)
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language (Do C, C++, C#, JavaScript, SQL, Perl or PHP count?)
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (Again, I never said I was good at it…)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance (Even drove it a few times. Just never been in one as a patient.)
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookie
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job (Totally unrelated to #23!!!)
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person (Been to Hoover Dam at the Southern end of the canyon, but I don’t think that counts.)
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House (Walked past it on Pennsylvania Avenue, but I don’t count that as “visiting.”)
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had Chicken Pox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby (This is kinda like how everytime I give blood, I get asked if I’ve ever been pregnant.)
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a lawsuit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Read an entire book in one day.
Imponderables
Recent events have left me with a nagging question: What sort of parents would name their kid Gazpacho?
Testing
Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.
FIRE. FIRE.
Chirp. Chirp. Chirp. Chirp.
Warning! Carbon Monoxide.
And since the new alarm seems to be working, I put it up where the old one used to be.
Chirp 2.0
It was late by the time I got home from work. According to the original plan, I was still supposed to be in New Bastille, but sometimes plans have to change. Wylie was very happy to see me and started barking and once he gets started, it’s not long before Terry joins in with an accusatory chorus of The Abandoned Parrot’s Lament.
With all that commotion, I didn’t notice the chirp at first, or if I did, it was quickly dismissed as a particularly shrill note from Terry. But just as I attached Wylie’s leash the chirp came again. I was at the bottom of the stairs just then, and I knew what that meant — the upstairs smoke detector must need a new battery. So I took it down and put the battery where I would see it and not forget to replace it.
When Wylie and I returned from our walk, I put the leash away and headed toward the kitchen to get us both some dinner. Just as I was passing the stairs again, it happened:
chirp.
Upon hearing that fateful sound, only one thought went through my mind: Oh no, not again.
I decided not to panic. Not yet anyhow. There is another smoke detector in the house after all, this one at the top of the basement stairs. So I opened the basement door, took down the smoke detector, and replaced the batterries.
Warning! Carbon Monoxide.
Oh. It does that every time you replace the batteries. Nothing to worry about.
chirp.
Huh? That’s never happened before. Maybe it just needs a little more time before whatever internal system came up to the proper voltage and then the chirper will turn itself off.
So I put the detector back in place at the top of the basement stairs.
chirp.
OK, now I’m starting to worry. Maybe the replacement batteries are bad too?
So I took the detector down again. Took the batteries out, put in another set.
Warning! Carbon Monoxide.
OK, normal so far…
chirp.
Uh oh.
Hey, what’s it say on the back here?
WARNING: Carbon Monoxide cannot be seen or smelled but can kill you. If alarm sounds: 1) Operate reset/silence button. 2) Call your emergency services (fire department or 911). 3) Immediately move to fresh air – outdoors or by an open door/window.
chirp.
Crap.
Hey, what’s this?
Alarm Quick Reference Guide
- Three long “beeps” followed by “FIRE! FIRE!” Indication of fire hazard. (Or maybe the Klingons are in phaser range?)
- Four short “beeps” followed by “WARNING! CARBON MONOXIDE.” Indication of CO hazard.
- One “chirp” every 60 seconds, followed by “LOW BATTERY.” Indication of low battery.
- Eight “chirps” after operating test button. Indication of previous levels of CO exceeding 100 ppm.
- One “chirp” every 30 seconds. Indication of alarm malfunction.
“Indication of alarm malfunction.“????
So I timed the chirps. Sure enough, it’s every 30 seconds.
I don’t plan to repeat that experience any time soon. This time, the malfunctioning detector goes in the trash for certain.
In the meantime, I’ve already removed the batteries.
Prime Real Estate
As they say, the three most important things in real estate are: Location, Location, Location.
About a year ago, my officemate and I were moved to a new office at the other end of the hall. The old office had previously been dedicated to just one person, so the new digs were a definite improvement in terms of being able to move around.
The downside to the new office is that it’s right next to the kitchen. A wide variety of smells drift in at lunch time: some are quite tantalizing; others are quite the opposite.
MC took a new job back in the Spring. Six months later, I have a new office mate and he’s been making the making the same discoveries about the lunch smells. Today however he discovered one of the points that make this a prime location: This afternoon, we were the first to find out about the chocolate chip cookies. 🙂
Grocery Shopping with the Undead
As mentioned a few days ago, I attended a Halloween party in The Kentlands this year as a zombie. It was my homage to the Frederick Jaycees’ Haunted Hayride.
One of the fun things to do after working at the hayride was once things were over for the evening, a group would usually go out for dinner, still in makeup. When a group of a dozen more zombies walks into a restaurant, it never fails to get the attention of the other diners and frequently led to opportunities to promote the Haunted Hayride or (better yet) the Jaycees.
I had no sooner mentioned this then Julie spoke the fateful words, “I dare you to go over to Whole Foods dressed like that.”
Get into mischief? Me? 🙂
Well there was no point in a zombie going shopping without an audience. You have to a few people going along to witness the silliness and (of course) take a few photos. So after seeking out a few people dressed in what passed for everyday street clothes, Julie, Melissa, Stephanie and I set out for our little adventure.
I don’t know how she managed to capture a photo of them (I didn’t even see them myself) but during the walk to the store, Stephanie managed to capture an image of what I can only describe as ghosts.
The person working at the meat counter left right before I got there, so I couldn’t ask him about any fresh brains. But don’t you think that stuff behind the glass looks rather cerebral?
There was someone working at the fish counter though. She took it completely in stride when I asked, “Do you have any fresh brains?”
“No.” she replied with a laugh, “Maybe next week.”
“Damn, just my rotten luck.” (On the other hand, can you imagine if she’d said yes??!!)
Most of the other shoppers in the store seemed to be oblivious to the dead guy walking the aisles with them. It makes me wonder, at 8:30 pm on a Saturday, is it possible that the other shoppers were the real zombies?
When I walked into the produce department, one of the stockers was unloading a box of some sort of melons. At first I didn’t think he saw me looking over the papayas on the other side of the display, then the woman at the fish counter got his attention and trying not to laugh he called back to her, “Yeah, I see him.”
With not quite a week to go until Halloween, of course there was an endcap full of Halloween candy. What a perfect place for a zombie to stop and try to blend in!
And over in the chips aisle, there was another ghost!
The few shoppers who did notice me in the store tended to look at me very strangely. (I don’t understand why.) It wasn’t until arriving at the checkout that any of the other shoppers was willing to make eye contact. Along with the cashier and the bagger, she was clearly entertained. But again, most of the shoppers zombies in the other checkout lanes were oblivious. (It somewhat reminded me of a scene from Dawn of the Dead with the zombies returning to the mall, unaware of their own demise.)
Many thanks to:
Julie: For suggesting this escapade.
Stephanie: For taking on the role of photographer.
Melissa: For a complete lack of adult supervision.
I wonder what sort of mischief I can get into next year?