Category Archives: Silliness

Christmas Cards

Once you start sending out Christmas letters, you feel obligated to send one every year. I didn’t realize that when I sent out my first letter back in 1997, but I’m not sure I can stop now.
When I was preparing my 2002 letter, I had an encounter with writer’s block and struggled to put it together in time. Finally, on December 23, I realized the letters just weren’t going to go out on time. So I decided to send them on April Fools Day. It was a good plan, but the way it worked out was that my letters went out in mid-August. It wasn’t until 2006 that I managed to have my Christmas cards (the 2005 edition) arrive on April 1.
Of course, by then, people were expecting my Christmas cards to arrive off-season, so there was only one thing to do: My 2006 Christmas cards arrived just in time for Christmas.
Changing the dates around gets kind of predictable after a while. Folks know the cards going to be off-season, they just don’t know exactly when. So this year I decided to send them out at Christmas for the second year in a row.
But have you ever thought about the fact that the term “Christmas Card” is ambiguous? (Likewise for “Holiday Card.”) Aside from Hallmark, who says it has to be a greeting card?
Christmas and Holiday cards

Where's Abe?

A couple days ago I noticed that I had a $5 bill with www.wheresgeorge.com stamped around the Federal reserve seal. If you’ve never seen the site before, the general ideais that you can participate in tracking the migratory habits of money. I’ve run across similarly marked currency a time or two and was honestly a little surprised to learn the site was still around.
I went ahead and entered my bill’s information and learned that so far I’m only the second person to log its travels. So far, it’s still in my possession, it could be mildly amusing to see where Abe winds up next.
More bills to watch:

Holiday Decorations

We had a door decorating contest as part of our office holiday festivities. Among the others, there was a category for “Best Use of Office Supplies.” One team reportedly cleaned out the office’s entire supply of green and red paper and others were equally lavish.
At the last minute on the morning of the voting, MC and I entered the contest with an impromptu decoration made with nothing but office supplies.

Best use of Office Supplies
The fellow responsible for facilities management declared it to be either the “Best Use of Office Supplies” or at the very least, “Least Abuse of Office Supplies” and brought a string of people by to see it.
In the end, we got four votes. Not enough to win, but that wasn’t the point. Everyone got a good chuckle from it.

Squirrels

One possible definition of the word “optimist” is anyone who thinks a squirrel-proof bird-feeder will prevent squirrels from getting at the food.
One of today’s activities was to give the bird feeders the first fill-up of the year. It’s been about eight months since the last time there was anything in those feeders, so it’ll probably take a day or two before the birds realize they’re back in business.
I’m sure the birds will enjoy the food, but at about the same time the birds find the feeders, I expect the squirrels will find them as well. The last few years, I’ve probably done a lot more to feed them than the birds. Last year, I even wound up replacing one of the feeders after if broke open when the squirrels chewed through the cord that was holding it up.
So, here’s the feeders as they looked this afternoon. We’ll see how long it takes before the first squirrel arrives.
Squirrel Feeders

The Christmas Spider?

Today’s mail included a Christmas-themed ad booklet from Hallmark. Paging through it, I was struck by the absurdity of one of their connections between the Christmas Season and licensed merchandise.
One of the featured cards has a picture of Spider-Man on the front. Curious about what Spidey has to do with Christmas, I read the pictured card-front:

Building to building,
he slings and swings,
from wall to wall,
he leaps and springs…
and do you know what Spider-Man brings?

Presents for all the good little boys and girls? No, although they both wear red suits, I don’t recall any stories about Santa being bitten by a radioactive spider. (Anyone up to the obvious challenge of writing such a story? Preferably one where Santa doesn’t die from the experience.)
Eggs and candy? No, Spidey doesn’t have the ears or the tail. Besides, that’s the wrong season.
According to the ad booklet, he’s bringing “Christmas Wishes” but the last I knew, Spidey’s alter-ego worked as a free-lance photographer. The second movie did have him delivering pizza, but I don’t think he’s ever worked for Western Union. (And besides, didn’t they get out of the telegram business?)
About the only things I can think of that Spider-Man might bring would be either a sense of safety because you know he’s protecting you, or else a nagging concern that he’s being chased by some variety of super-villain and maybe you’d better flee the area.
Does anyone else have any suggestions about what Spider-Man might bring?

umop 3p!sdn

I got a postcard from Al & Natalie today. It seems they’re off on another epic vacation, this time a cruise around Australia and New Zealand. Among other exploits, they went ashore and had dinner one night at the Sydney Opera House.
Because they’re in Australia, they wrote the postcard upside down. That way, when the postcard arrived in North America, it would be right-side up and the recipient would have no difficulty reading it. Al & Natalie are very considerate about things like that.
It was a good plan, but they overlooked one small detail. By law (a holdover from their days as a British colony), all postcards in Australia, New Zealand, etc. come from the printer already upside down. The idea behind this is to better accommodate tourists from the Northern Hemisphere who might otherwise forget about “up” being a different direction than at home.
Naturally, the end result of these two good intentions is that when the postcard arrived, the photo was right-side up, but the note was upside down!

Conserving Natural Resources

Yesterday’s posting about the proper storage of rubber chickens included a photo of the top shelf of my refrigerator. In addition to the aforementioned chicken, the photo also reveals a large Chase & Sanborn coffee can.
The sight of a coffee can in my fridge prompted a raised eyebrow from Z. since she knows that I don’t drink coffee. And it’s true, although Z. and I have occasionally had dinner together, we’ve never once met for coffee. It’s not that I have anything against coffee (some of my closest friends are coffee drinkers), during my wild college days, I even tried drinking coffee once or twice. I’ve simply never acquired a taste for it.
So where did the coffee can come from? My folks have occasionally left a small jar of instant coffee in my fridge so it would be there for their next visit, but I’ve never had ground coffee in my house. (Bleah!)
The answer is that Z. has overlooked my participation in the environmental movement.
When you’re conserving resources, Step 1 is to reduce your resource usage. Dad’s co-workers realized early on that producing a single 2 lb can of ground coffee requires only a fraction of the energy and packaging that would be consumed in creating an equivalent number of single-serving coffee packets. So they team up and buy coffee in bulk. (At the end of the day, Dad of course does his part to make sure no coffee is wastefully poured down the drain.)
Step 2 for conserving resources is to reuse manufactured items. Creating a new metal container requires much more energy than simply reusing an existing one, so Dad occasionally brings home empty coffee cans and Mom uses them to send cookies to me and my brothers.
Step 3 in the conservation cycle is, of course, to recycle the item since that expends fewer resources than finding and refining the raw materials.
What many people overlook however is that Step 2 can be repeated more than once for a single item. Until the item is actually worn out, there’s no reason you can’t reuse it indefinitely. And honestly, barring a particularly brutal trip through the post office, a coffee can full of cookies doesn’t experience a whole lot of additional wear and tear.
And so you see, that coffee can in my refrigerator doesn’t contain coffee. It also doesn’t contain any cookies, I ate that batch a long time ago. It’s currently being used for a third time, now as a sugar cannister.
So the real question is, why do I keep my sugar cannister in the fridge?
Because that way it won’t be found by ants.

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I adjusted my alarm clock on November 3, the computers, the cell phone and the VCR all took care of themselves.  The radio in the car got adjusted while I was on my work to that Monday, and on November 8, I fixed the clock in the living room and the one in the guest room.  Wrapping it all up, I fixed the time on my phone at work this afternoon at about quarter till three.
I’m now officially ready for Eastern Standard Time.