I know a few folks who are so certain in their political convictions that they’ve already decided how they’re voting in November. (Some probably made up their minds as far back as this time last year.) As for me, I’m nowhere near making a decision yet.
Right now though, one candidate who’s getting a lot of attention is John McClane. He’s a little rough around the edges and a bit of a maverick, but maybe that’s what we need right now. He does have a proven record against terror (Nakatomi Plaza in LA, Dulles Airport, the bombs scattered around New York, and most recently the Internet-based terrorists who were trying to steal financial records).
If nothing else, you have to agree that it would give people pause if the President of the United States ended all of his speeches with his trademark “Yippie Ki Yay” line.
Category Archives: Silliness
Fun with Software Licenses
As I’ve pointed out before, according to the terms of the software license, iTunes may not be used to control nuclear reactors. Ditto for Google Earth.
This evening I set up my first ever computer running (shudder) Windows Vista.
Seeing no reason to break with tradition, I once more read the click-through license agreement, thus reaffirming my role as the only person on Earth who actually does so. Folks, you may be surprised to learn that in at least this one respect, Microsoft’s license agreement is less restrictive than the ones from Apple and Google. That’s right, nothing in the Windows Vista license agreement (and this single license seems to cover all versions, even the home versions) says you’re not allowed to use it to control nuclear reactors or weapons.
So now you have to decide, should you be more aghast that Apple and Google evidently include such functionality (Why else would they bar you from using it?), or you should instead be horrified that Microsoft allows you to use Windows in this manner? 🙂
(Truthfully, I’d be much more surprised if Microsoft did include such limitations since that would essentially forbid people in those industries from buying the product. And honestly, if you’re setting up embedded control systems, particularly for that sort of work, you’re probably going to be using a much more limited, and much older operating system. That is, one where all the problems are already well-understood and worked around.)
As part of the same computer setup, I also had occasion to read the license for Trend Micro’s PC-cillin. As part of that license agreement, you expressly agree that you will back up your files on a regular basis.
Now that’s what I call a sensible license! It’s about time someone had the guts to make that a requirement.
End of a Journey
Whether you travel by plane, train, boat or automobile, at the end of a long journey you have to exit from the vehicle and move along to whatever you’re doing next. How do you do that?
For example (and the first one is what got me started):
- Dogs disembark
- Hair stylists depart
- Musicians disband
- Donkeys tend to be in a hurry, so they haul… well, you know.
- For similar reasons, bananas peel out.
- Birds and sheep get the flock out of there
- Judges disrobe (you and I would get in trouble if we did that!)
- Trees leaf
- Mathematicians disintegrate.
- Songwriters decompose.
- Electricians delight.
- Travel groups detour.
What groups have I forgotten?
Serenity
I imagine somebody’s already done something similar to this. After all, it’s been more than two years since Serenity first came to the theaters, and even longer since Firefly went off the air. But ideas for filks follow their own schedule.
(To the tune of The Ballad of Serenity)
Take my show,
Off the air,
Claim the fan base,
Is not there.
I don’t care,
I’m still free
To watch the show on DVD.
Make the TV
Go to black
Say the show
Ain’t coming back.
I don’t care,
I’m still free
To watch the show on DVD.
(bridge)
There’s no show,
I’d rather see,
Next I’ll watch Serenity.
You can’t take the show from me.
Performance Appraisal
When you fill out the self-evaluation portion of your annual performance appraisal, you’re supposed to be honest. I had to do mine a couple months ago:
Q: List what you have done with respect to your job that provided the most satisfaction during the evaluation period.
A: I got paid.
Q: List what you have done with respect to your job that provided the least satisfaction during the evaluation period.
A: Arrived at the office after sitting in traffic.
Q: List any improvements that you believe can be made in your own performance, your work environment, or in areas where you feel [the company] could make changes.
A: Pay me to stay home.
I wonder if it’s possible to be too honest on these things.
If Pigs had Wings…
When I brought in the mail on Tuesday, I found a largish envelope with the name Squish on the return address. So right away I knew something interesting was afoot.
Squish is one of the many colorful characters populating my world. Lots of people refer to her by her nickname of “Amy,” but I’ve long found the sobriquet “Squish” to fit her well.
When we first met, Squish’s job title was GUI Engineer which meant she worked on (among other things) creating web pages. In the unique language of computer geeks, the acronym GUI (short for “Graphical User Interface”) is usually pronounced “Gooey.” Naturally (and somewhat inevitably), this eventually led us to a deep philosophical exchange on the topic of what the requirements might be for becoming a Squishy Engineer. For example, could you qualify by walking through a puddle while wearing sneakers?
So when Squish unexpectedly sends me a package, it’s immediately clear that something silly is about to happen.
I wasn’t disappointed. When I opened it, the package contained a Pig Catapult and a New Mexico UFO operating license.
Now the UFO operating license makes all sorts of sense. The authorities tend to take a very dim view of unlicensed pilots, so it’s good to have that legality taken care of.
But the pig catapult took me off guard. Why is it that a pig catapult would make Squish think of me?
When I asked her, Squish replied, “Who ELSE do you know who might ever use a pig launcher??”
She has a point. And as a bonus, I’m now prepared for the next time someone tells me something will happen, “…when pigs fly!”
Dead Battery
My car – a Honda Civic Hybrid – costs more than one with a conventional engine. To help make up for the the extra cost, the manufacturer included a few extras from the nicer trim package as standard items: in-dash CD player, power windows, power locks, power mirrors, and so on.
Tuesday, for the second time in three months, I found myself pondering the irony that despite all those little add-ons, the one feature I personally seem to need is a buzzer to let me know when I’ve left the headlights on again.
Time to Panic
I’ve run across the term “Kernel Panic” a few times, but was never completely certain what it meant. When I finally looked it up, I learned that a “kernel panic” is what happens when a Linux computer encounters an error it can’t recover from. In essence, it’s the Linux version of the famed “Blue Screen of Death.”
I also found a screenshot. Is it just me? Or does that look like the eye of Sauron staring out of the screen?
Finding out that Sauron lives inside your computer certainly sounds like a reason to panic!
(Public domain image, courtesy of Wikipedia.)
Happiness is a Warm Puppy
The Washington Post had an “online extra” today about the dos and do nots of keeping pets warm in the winter months. One of the warnings was about the dangers of giving your pets a heating pad – they might not notice that they’re getting burned.
The article also mentions the fad of putting sweaters on pets. Apparently there actually is a benefit to it for some pets, but it’s best to avoid synthetics as they might cause static electric shocks.
Also, if you make your dog or cat wear sweaters, all the other pets will laugh at him.
State of Crisis
Over the holiday weekend, I found myself driving through New Jersey a couple times.
Going North across the Delaware Memorial Bridge, I found myself wondering, “‘Memorial Bridge’? Did something happen to Delaware? Isn’t the state there anymore? And if it’s not, what did I just drive through?” This train of thought didn’t last very long though since as soon as I came off the bridge, I found myself entering New Jersey.
I’m certain New Jersey is a wonderful place to live. But between medical waste washing up on the shore and the road department attempting to pave every square inch of the state, it’s easy to see where some of the negative images come from. The sign I saw didn’t help things either.
On the New Jersey side of the bridge, there was a programmable sign spanning the road, flashing a pair of messages:
Welcome to New Jersey
If you’re in crisis, call… and the number for a crisis center.
Somehow I doubt the department of tourism was involved in programming that message.
The Southbound sign a few days later wasn’t much better.
Traffic Delay ahead
If you’re in crisis, call… and the same number.
All I could think was that if I’d bought a soda at the rest stop an hour earlier, I really would have been in crisis. But how could an 800 number could solve that?