Avast ye skurvy dogs! Are y’not knowing what day this be? That’s right matey, t’day be Talk Like A Pirate Day! ‘Tis the one day out of the year when ye can talk like a pirate without being insane!
And don’t be fooled lest ye find yerself walking the plank! The genuine Talk Like A Pirate Day be celebrated on September 19.
And a hearty thank ye to Cap’n Dave Barry for shivering timbers nationwide by popularizing this event back in 2002!
And lest ya be taken for a lily-livered landlubber, sail over to Tom Smith’s island and download the “Talk Like A Pirate Day” song!
Category Archives: Assorted Ramblings
Some slightly more original excuses
Friends of mine are getting married on September 30th and unfortunately I can’t make it. The real reason is a prior commitment, but Chris and Karen both have somewhat warped senses of humor (this no doubt helps them put up with me) so I offered a list of reasons for my absence and left it up to them to choose which ones applied:
- I’m on the run from the law.
- Galactus has promised to spare the Earth provided that I become the new Silver Surfer.
- If I don’t act, V.I.K.I. and the NS-5s will impose their own brand of social order “for our own good.”
- My katra is currently on its way back to Vulcan.
- I have a prior commitment.
- Dom and I are scheduled to fly a job for the firm.
- I’m out hunting replicants.
- Jobe Smith is taking over cyberspace and must be stopped.
- The frakking toasters destroyed my home world and I’m busy protecting the last remnants of my people.
- Voldemort is growing stronger and Harry Potter must be protected!
- Boss Hogg is up to no good and I need to be available in case Daisy comes by for some help.
- I just entered the Federal Witness Protection Program.
Naturally I wish them all the best, but it’ll be fun to see how many of those references they can figure out and which one(s) they choose to accept. 🙂
Bart versus Jethro
Although I don’t usually watch the show, it was still interesting to note that The Simpsons has been on TV since 1988.
When The Simpsons first aired (as part of The Tracey Ullman Show), Bart was eight years old and enrolled in the fourth grade at Springfield Elementary.
Today, eighteen years later, Bart is still trying to finish the fourth grade. Sure, he’s 26 and still living at home, but you have to admire his tenacity. Cousin Jethro may have managed to move to Beverly Hills, but Bart seems determined to manage at least one grade higher than Jethro’s third-grade education.
And So It Begins
It’s not much to look at quite yet, but the new site is started. 🙂
Not Quite Poetry
“I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.”
Granted, that’s a very quotable line (and no doubt intentionally so), but when Wash said it, you knew you were about to see him “In the Zone,” flying like nobody else.
I really like that line. To me, it’s all about staying nimble and getting through, no matter what the opposition throws at you. I find it downright inspirational. (Learning from Wash’s example however, I try to avoid declaring victory too soon.)
A co-worker recently asked why that quotation was written on the whiteboard in my cubical. I tried to explain why I found it inspiring, but she got hung up on the literal text.
“Leaves don’t fly!”
“Sure they do. Haven’t you ever seen how the wind can carry them?”
Jing’s next words made it clear that she’d never spent the afternoon raking leaves, only to have the wind deposit a new batch from the neighbors’ yard.
“Leaves just fall down.” And then, brightly, “But I’ve seen plastic grocery store bags fly!”
Somehow “I am a grocery bag on the wind” doesn’t sound nearly as poetic.
From the Earth to the Moon
Tom recently passed along a few notes about a theory that a large body striking the Earth formed the Moon, when a large piece broke off and stayed in orbit.
I’m not sure why there’s any doubt about this. It’s pretty easy to prove that’s what happened.
The moon has a decaying orbit. Over time, the moon’s average distance from the earth is increasing. Eventually, the moon will break away altogether. (Whether this will be accelerated by explosions in the nuclear waste dumps on the far side remains to be seen; that’s nearly seven years overdue at this point.)
Following the trend backward then, you can see that the Moon must have been closer to the Earth at one time. Follow it far enough and you’ll eventually discover that some 65 million years ago, the average distance between the Earth and the Moon was about 10 feet.
This coincidentally is why the dinosaurs are extinct. They got clobbered.
(I’m not sure where that comes from, I don’t think it’s a Blair original.)
Ponch being Ponch, he wondered if it might be the other way around. Why couldn’t it be that the Earth broke off from the Moon?
Well, as Einstein would tell you, it’s all relative. Specifically, it would be his older cousin, the well-known baseball player, Victor Gahverguen. Victor got his start at baseball at the age of six, playing in the streets of Rock Island Illinois. By age 10, Victor had put so many baseballs through so many windows that his father, Paul Phillip Gahverguen decided he’d be better off just opening his own window company (I’m sure many of you are aware of the Paul Phillip Gahverguen, or PPG for short). By the time Victor was eligible to play baseball in High School, his glass shattering record had gone to new heights, making well known throughout Illinois that if something was broken, it was probably something to do with Victor.
So the question of whether the Moon broke away from the Earth or vice versa really is relative. Either way, Victor was probably involved.
One of our planets is missing
It’s pretty much old news at this point. The International Astronomical Union has made up criteria for what it takes for a body to be counted as a planet and Pluto didn’t make the cut.
One impact of this decision is a lot of people wondering how long it’s going to take all the schools to get their textbooks and curricula up to date. It’s a bit of cynicism on my part, after all, it’s been 70 years since Pluto’s discovery, but I can’t help wondering how many schools have text books that have suddenly reverted to being correct.
I suppose there is some scientific merit to having a formal definition for what makes a planet. But there’s also a lot of sentiment for keeping Pluto on the books as a planet. Small wonder then that there are groups protesting.
Life Imitates Python
Squish wrote this morning to let me know about a fellow over in England by the name of Ben Fillmore, who in order to raise money for charity, re-enacted Monty Python’s fish slapping skit. I don’t think I’d be willing to pay $400 to hit someone with a fish, but I congratulate all involved on their willingness to do something offbeat for a good cause. (Between this and the toilet decorating contest which Z mentioned, it looks like there’s still plenty of room in the world for “unusual” fund-raising efforts.)
The article goes on to say that Mr. Fillmore has plans in the works to climb Mount Everest. This is clearly someone who’s familiar with Monty Python, so I’ve gotta wonder… Do you suppose he’s planning to climb the actual mountain? Or is he more likely planning to do the equivalent, scaling a city street?
Fairly Insane
Laura and I headed over to the Montgomery County Fair on Saturday. It was pretty much everything I’ve come to expect from a fair – a midway filled with carnival rides and games, tents with local merchants selling their goods and services, and a variety of farm animals raised by members of the local 4H club.
This fair also included an exhibit which demonstrates that the world has gone stark, raving bonkers! I’m not speaking of the various “freak show” entries they included (Even the five-legged sheep was understandable, though animals with that sort of birth defect are usually culled early on). No, for me, the proof that the fair’s organizers are insane was their decision to include – and there’s no way I could ever make up something like this – restroom attendants.
Yes, that’s right, the Montgomery County Fair has restroom attendants. Complete with professionally made signs (not hand-lettered, somebody actually planned this out) asking for tips.
Perhaps I’m old-fashioned. I’ve always felt that what goes on in the bathroom is strictly between you and the plumbing fixtures, no need for any third party involvement. Definitely have someone check now and again to make sure everything is clean and in order, but do you really need to have someone hanging out there the whole day?
I’ve occasionally run across stories that this sort of thing is all the rage at upscale nightclubs and bars, but nobody’s ever explained why they think this is a good idea. Several years ago, I encountered a restroom attendant on one of my rare nightclub outings. This fellow was holding court at the sink and had an assortment of colognes, hand lotions, breath mints and other items covering every square inch of counter space and approaching the sink felt like a pricey toll road.
I can’t imagine why the county fair would want to recreate that environment. Nobody I’ve spoken to understands it either.
By comparison, the trees scattered around the fairgrounds seem quite inviting.
Road Rage Revenge
When it comes to the pain of commuting, it appears that someone out there really does share the commuters’ pain. And in a refreshing move, they not only reacted appropriately, but with a sense of humor as well.
Now that the first span of the new Wilson Bridge is complete, the government agencies responsible for the construction are searching for the commuter with the most frustrating story about their commute over the old bridge.
The winner(?) gets to push the plunger to demolish the unused span of the old bridge.
That’s awesome!