When Matt had problems filing the Monthly Status Report (aka the “MSR”) for the Shuttle Schweitzer (a chapter of the Starfleet science fiction club to which we both belonged), he asked me to take over for him. Matt’s known me for about ten years. You’d think he’d know better.
Our CO daringly attempted to file the chapter’s MSR via the SFI database site which, as everyone knows, is located in the fifth level sub-basement of Area 51. Upon Matt’s arrival, he was greeted by armed guards who denied that any such base existed. When asked why they were guarding a base that didn’t exist, the guards disappeared in a puff of logic and Matt proceeded to enter the top secret access codes.
Once Matt had finished entering the 256th digit of the 18th prime number in the security sequence (Wow, is that a secure password system or what?) his computer’s modem began pulsing madly as he made contact with the STARFLEET database system. His monitor momentarily went blank and then the display reappeared with a sharper image than he had ever believed possible. The computer’s speakers hummed briefly and then a voice rang out with crystal clear fidelity and said:
“YOU DO NOT HAVE CLEARANCE FOR THIS AREA”
The guards, who had previously disappeared, coalesced on the spot and proceeded to browbeat Matt with the standard security questions.
“What is your name?”
“Matt Fuhrman”
“What is your quest?”
“I wish to file my chapter’s MSR.”
And perhaps inevitably, “What is your favorite color?”
Matt immediately answered “Yellow” but then thought better of it and amended, “No, I mean Blue!” but it was too late. The guards lifted him as though he were a feather and tossed him into the Gorge of Infinite Peril.
So, we don’t really know what’s going on, but Matt isn’t able to login to the database. Would someone please contact him about getting it fixed? (But be careful, lest you get tossed into the gorge too!)
Meanwhile, the XO wandered off to Wizard World Philly and was run over by a Road Runner and a Coyote.
No COs were harmed in the filing of this MSR.