Tag Archives: cynical

More Fun with Software Licenses

I took a few moments out of my evening tonight in order to update to the most recent version of the Mozy Home backup software. The dense legalese on these click-through licenses is almost impossible for us mere mortals to understand (I can’t find the citation, but evidently the courts have ruled some of them to unenforceable), but I’ve fallen into the habit of skimming them just in case something leaps out at me. And sure enough, every so often I find evidence that the lawyers are out of control.
Mozy’s terms of use include this paragraph (Unnecessary capitalization is theirs. Red and bold is mine.):

THE FOREGOING LIMITATIONS OF LIABILITY SHALL APPLY WHETHER THE DAMAGES ARISE FROM USE OR MISUSE OF AND RELIANCE ON THE SOFTWARE OR SERVICE, FROM INABILITY TO USE THE SOFTWARE OR SERVICE, OR FROM THE INTERRUPTION, SUSPENSION, OR TERMINATION OF THE SOFTWARE OR SERVICE (INCLUDING SUCH DAMAGES INCURRED BY THIRD PARTIES). DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL. SUCH LIMITATION SHALL APPLY NOTWITHSTANDING A FAILURE OF ESSENTIAL PURPOSE OF ANY LIMITED REMEDY AND TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW.

The paragraph before that states: “FURTHERMORE, YOU AGREE TO USE THE SOFTWARE OR SERVICE EXCLUSIVELY FOR GOOD AND FOR AWESOME.”
And then we’re back to the usual idiocy:

THE SOFTWARE AND SERVICE ARE NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN CONNECTION WITH ANY NUCLEAR, AVIATION, MASS TRANSIT, OR MEDICAL APPLICATION OR ANY OTHER INHERENTLY DANGEROUS APPLICATION THAT COULD RESULT IN DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, CATASTROPHIC DAMAGE, OR MASS DESTRUCTION, AND LICENSEE AGREES THAT LICENSOR WILL HAVE NO LIABILITY OF ANY NATURE AS A RESULT OF ANY SUCH USE OF THE SOFTWARE.

Decision Making

This is happily nothing to do with anything going on in my life, just a general observation I can’t get out my head.
In the corporate world, before scolding a subordinate for making a decision they don’t agree with, most senior managers prefer to increase the level of irony by first giving a speech about how important it that everyone be empowered to make decisions.

Church of the Terminator

When I first spotted this card, I noticed a model sailing ship, a stack of books, and a computer keyboard. What really got my attention though was the metallic-looking skull, like something from The Terminator movies. Add in the bit at the bottom where it mentions a theater and I thought for sure it was a promotion for the new Terminator film which opens next weekend.
Card featuring books, a model boat, and a metallic skull.
Looking at the back of the card, it turns out to be a promotion for a new ministry of a local Mega-Church. Along with their multiple locations and frequent radio ads, it turns out they’re also branching out into holding services in area movie theaters.
It’s entirely possible that they’re making a subtle tie to the new movie, Terminator Salvation. Unfortunately, once I figured out what the card was about, the message which crossed my mind was, “Give your life to Christ, or else he’s going to send a killer robot after you.”

REQUEST FOR URGENT CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

As John points out, this is a chain post. (John blames Wil Wheaton, so I’ll happily blame John.) I’m fairly comfortable stating that this post doesn’t invoke The Curse since (a) you chose to visit my site instead of me dumping this in your in box and (b) this doesn’t end with the usual litany of bad outcomes if you don’t pass it along.
And hey, maybe this one will really work!
REQUEST FOR URGENT CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP
From: Minister of the Treasury Paulson
Subject: REQUEST FOR URGENT CONFIDENTIAL BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Yours Faithfully
Minister of Treasury Paulson

Explaining the Financial Meltdown

Katie sent me a link yesterday to a “SubPrime Primer” which gives you the background on the whole subprime fiasco. It seems like a fairly accurate if jaded description of how we got into this mess.
When I bought my house nine years ago, I had no end of people telling me how instead of a fixed rate mortgage, I should have gone with an lower adjustable rate mortgage and refinanced to a fixed when the rate eventually went up.
Yeah. That would have been a good plan.
I’m a bit nostalgic for the days when “conservative” meant “cautious.” Nowadays it seems to mean “reckless.”

No Good Options

If you tell me the Republican Party bites, I won’t argue with you. I’ve been increasingly disgusted over the past six years. But the truth is, the Democratic Party bites pretty hard too. Check out this clip from back in February. (The quick summary is that both parties flip-flopped as to where they stood and both versions of the bill would have hurt the working class.)

There are still about six weeks to go before the election. Before then, there’s a movie I’d like to suggest. It busts on both major parties equally and makes quite a number of good points. In many ways, it’s too bad Tom Dobbs isn’t a real person.

And that’s enough political crap for now.