I took a few moments out of my evening tonight in order to update to the most recent version of the Mozy Home backup software. The dense legalese on these click-through licenses is almost impossible for us mere mortals to understand (I can’t find the citation, but evidently the courts have ruled some of them to unenforceable), but I’ve fallen into the habit of skimming them just in case something leaps out at me. And sure enough, every so often I find evidence that the lawyers are out of control.
Mozy’s terms of use include this paragraph (Unnecessary capitalization is theirs. Red and bold is mine.):
THE FOREGOING LIMITATIONS OF LIABILITY SHALL APPLY WHETHER THE DAMAGES ARISE FROM USE OR MISUSE OF AND RELIANCE ON THE SOFTWARE OR SERVICE, FROM INABILITY TO USE THE SOFTWARE OR SERVICE, OR FROM THE INTERRUPTION, SUSPENSION, OR TERMINATION OF THE SOFTWARE OR SERVICE (INCLUDING SUCH DAMAGES INCURRED BY THIRD PARTIES). DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL. SUCH LIMITATION SHALL APPLY NOTWITHSTANDING A FAILURE OF ESSENTIAL PURPOSE OF ANY LIMITED REMEDY AND TO THE FULLEST EXTENT PERMITTED BY LAW.
The paragraph before that states: “FURTHERMORE, YOU AGREE TO USE THE SOFTWARE OR SERVICE EXCLUSIVELY FOR GOOD AND FOR AWESOME.”
And then we’re back to the usual idiocy:
THE SOFTWARE AND SERVICE ARE NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN CONNECTION WITH ANY NUCLEAR, AVIATION, MASS TRANSIT, OR MEDICAL APPLICATION OR ANY OTHER INHERENTLY DANGEROUS APPLICATION THAT COULD RESULT IN DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, CATASTROPHIC DAMAGE, OR MASS DESTRUCTION, AND LICENSEE AGREES THAT LICENSOR WILL HAVE NO LIABILITY OF ANY NATURE AS A RESULT OF ANY SUCH USE OF THE SOFTWARE.
“Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball” is a disclaimer from a fake commercial on SNL.
Oh, I’m well aware of the disclaimers Wacky Products Incorporated and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited attached to the Happy Fun Ball. That spoof remains the definitive example of making fun of product liability disclaimers. (My other favorite was “Fisherman’s Friend cough drops are not intended as a substitute for human companionship.” that showed up in the Style Invitation some years back.)
When I started to write this post, I’d been intending to comment about how at last there was a company where they were making fun of how impenetrable their license is. Then I came across the bit nonsense about using the data backup program for anything involving the nuclear, aviation, transportation and medical industries and the momentum carried me. (That stuff has to be included with anything written in Java, regardless of how little sense it makes, because Sun’s lawyers are also out of control.)