Going into the August status report (my third in a row), I decided to take a break from the Monty Python references. Of course, after the previous two months, I couldn’t jump straight into the new gag. I’d like to believe that the transition worked out well enough that the new gag took everyone by surprise.
Having made his purchase, Matt headed out of the cheese shop, pausing to hold the door for a gentleman he’d seen coming out of the library while he was on his own way into the cheese shop. Nibbling on a chunk of Venezualan beaver cheese, Matt looked around to get his bearings. The sales clerk had confirmed that this was indeed San Francisco and Matt had decided to file his MSR in-person at headquarters.
As he reached the door for the STARFLEET Operations center, Matt caught his reflection in the door’s surface. Two months on the road had taken its toll and his uniform was definitely worse for the wear with several tatters and two months of road dust. Add in two months without a shave and he definitely had an eccentric look about him. Well, there was nothing to be done about that now, once he’d filed the MSR there’d be plenty of time for a shave and a new uniform, but first things first.
The clerk in the MSR kiosk looked up as Matt approached. Cheerfully she asked, “May I help you sir?”
Overcome by his time on the road and still trying to get past the taste of the cheese, Matt got only as far as saying, “It’s…” before being interrupted by a loud harrumph from the side.
“Yes, yes, yes. It’s Monty Python’s Flying Shuttle,” said the Commander, STARFLEET, striding out of his office. “You Schweitzer folks have been a shuttle for more than three years and the best you can come up with is a series of Monty Python jokes? Congratulations on setting a new record for the amount of time as a shuttle, but I was hoping for something more.”
Wishing he’d brought his autograph book so he could get Les to sign it, Matt tried to explain, “I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to…”
“…to be a lumberjack?” Les asked.
“What? No. It’s just… I feel, I feel like singing!”
“Careful, I just watched ‘Holy Grail’ last night. Besides, Dave Klingman is already known as ‘Herbert.'”
“Oh, it’s nothing like that sir. I was thinking of something else altogether. Besides, Blair told me this month was going to be stepping away from the Monty Python jokes.”
Les rolled his eyes. “Blair’s involved in this? That explains a lot. Go ahead then, I don’t think even Blair can make this any worse than it already is.”
Les and an increasingly confused MSR clerk looked around in surprise when the first guitar riff sounded. They became increasingly alarmed as the second riff sounded, the lights dimmed, and Matt stepped up to a nearby microphone as a spotlight shone down on him.
It was twenty years ago today,
Admiral Pepper taught the crew to play,
They’ve been going in and out of style,
But they’re guaranteed to raise a smile,
So may I introduce to you,
The act you’ve followed all these years,
Shuttle Schweitzer’s lonely hearts space crew.
Rolling his eyes in despair, Les silently wondered why he’d ever thought it couldn’t get worse.
No Flag Officers were harmed in the production of this MSR.
Composing an MSR while listening to the Beatles may have unexpected consequences.